• doctor: sorry sir, we couldnt find a donor so we replaced your heart with a dragon balloon animal
  • patient: how am i alive


why cant i cry money instead of tears

(via relahvant)

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The next time a man starts yelling at you, cut him off and tell him you just can’t talk to him when he’s being so emotional.

I have done this and can confirm that is a LOT of fun to watch them implode afterward.

(via suspend)


I love sunglasses, am I looking at that tree? Am I staring at your dick? Who knows!

(via jealousies)


Dreams would be much more fun if they were multi-player servers that other sleeping people could join.

(via apparant)